INTERVIEW | Ukrainian foster families to take new knowledge back home after training in Estonia

Anastasiia and Oleksii left their home in the Donetsk Region in August 2022, several months after the war broke out, and currently live with their children in a small temporary home in Zhytomyr. They have seven children — one biological child and six foster children. Ruslana fled Kherson with her foster family of five children in May 2022 and has been staying in a shelter in Zhytomyr. Oksana and Serhii's family of four children also fled Kherson for Zhytomyr when the war broke out.

These families will move into the family-style small group homes ESTDEV has built in the Zhytomyr Region as part of Estonia’s commitment to Ukraine’s reconstruction.

We talked to Ruslana, Anastasiia and Oksana about their experience in Estonia and what they learned here this summer. As foster parents, they all agreed firm agreements and clear rules are important when raising children, and now they have gained additional knowledge on the effects of trauma on children’s psychological development, dealing with drug use and addiction and the importance of recognising and avoiding burnout as a foster parent.

Why did you decide to become a foster parent?

Ruslana: It was just my heart's desire. I became a foster parent because I wanted every child to have a family and a parent.

Anastasiia: We have one son in Oleksii's family and we wanted a daughter. When we became a foster family, we got one boy and one girl, who were siblings. We saw that we could handle our children and were able to be good parents, so then we took in four more children.

Becoming a foster parent required training in Ukraine and now in Estonia. How has this benefited you?

Ruslana: When we became foster parents, we went through training in Ukraine. But at the moment, the assessment is that Estonia has a very modern approach and we received more in-depth training on certain topics.

Anastasiia: We would really like other foster families in Ukraine to receive the same training as we have. It would be very beneficial to the entire foster care community if everyone could complete this programme. Then other foster families and parents could get to know each other and meet Estonian specialists.

Could you give an example of how this training has helped you in your daily life?

Anastasiia: Actually, we are already applying the lessons we have received in Ukraine in our homes. One very useful thing that we use with children is home agreements, and it is best to write them down. It's especially helpful with teenagers if all the rules are documented. Then they are in place, and it’s not just a verbal agreement.

Oksana: Phone! In this regard, we have agreed with the children that the phone will not be used after ten o'clock in the evening. This is not such a forced rule, but an agreement that the children understand. Children understand very well that this is correct and that they should sleep at night and not be on the phone.

What was the most important topic you covered during your time in Estonia?

Anastasiia: We have learned a lot of new things in Estonia, especially regarding children’s psychological trauma. For example, if a child behaves differently, it does not mean that he is behaving badly, but that it is a trauma response. Now we know what to do in this situation.

Ruslana: For older children, we also covered the topics of drugs and addiction for the first time.

Anastasiia: We went through this topic properly, where it was thoroughly explained how to recognise the signs. For example, if a child behaves more actively than usual, you need to figure out if he is just like that today or if he has consumed something. We had not learned about this before.

Oksana: Estonian specialists also explained how to protect yourself from burnout as a foster parent, how to prevent it and how to recognise the signs of burnout. This was new for us. Children’s mental state and the development and behavior of teens were also topics that I will definitely take with me.

Ruslana: Rights and responsibilities of children by age group were also new for us. There was a great exchange of experiences between our families, especially about different situations and issues we have had.